Hot Air

The "Gas" company in the town I live in is completely overrun with nasty bitchy females. They are so uptight and evil!



I swear...its like dealing with an entire customer service of mean vicious women!



If you ask for a supervisor, they act as if you are asking them a very personal question. I asked if there was another number besides that one...



"We are the only number maam. We are the only ones you can talk to" the bitch replied.



So...this is a Gas company that has only "ONE" telephone number and no supervisors. Only people in the customer service dept. Am I supposed to believe that?
Do they think people are really that stupid?



Sheesh!

Okay I'm Weird...

"C" telephoned...

"Were you sleeping?" he asked.



"Earlier I was. I got home from work late and was worn out" I said.



"There was an open mic poetry thing going on tonight" he said.



"Ohh really?" I asked.


I was a bit surprised, because he hadn't mentioned it before. He'd said something about some famous Poetess/Singer coming to town this weekend.




"Could you hold on for a second?" he asked.




"Sure" I said.




Clear as a bell, he began talking with a girl in the background in a very flirtaceous sexylike voice...




"Be sure to listen to that CD I got for you, okay darlin?" he flirted.



"Ohh I sure will!" she flirted "I just can't wait to hear it!"



"I'm glad your enthusiastic! I hope you really enjoy it. Be sure to listen to number eight more than anything. People always tell me thats their most favorite one!" he flirted.



"Well I will be sure to listen to that one first cutie" she flirted.




"Bye now. See you soon" he flirted.




"See YOU soon" she flirted with a voice like honey...





"Hello" he said with his voice suddenly changing into a completely different tone.





"Oh hey" I said.




"So uhmmm" he said in a nervous voice as if he were trying to find the words to begin a conversation.




"I have to go, could I maybe give you a call some other time?" I asked.




"Uhmmm but-" he was attempting to say something.




"Talk to you some other time" I said before hanging up...




The End...





There were enough red flags to begin with.




Why did I keep talking to him?




Am I fucking crazy?




I am beginning to think my friends are right.



Maybe I do need to see a shrink.

4am

I have insomnia...



The severe kind!




Maybe I had too much coffee earlier.

I'm not even a dedicated coffee drinker.

Maybe I'm a partially "phoney" coffee drinker or something...
Because...
I didn't even drink it to stay awake or anything today.

I was totally into the chocolate mocha flavor!




Earlier I called about some potential spaces for the gallery.

I was so excited about it!







My mom went with me to check them out.

I always forget that shes ALWAYS in a BIG hurry, no matter what day it is...even if shes not even rushing to go anyplace or to do anything...


Shes the White Rabbit from 'Alice in Wonderland'...



Her going with me was a big mistake!



ughh!!!

Tuesday Blues...

When my sister's boyfriend left for Miami to pick up his kids last week...things were different for a short while.

My sister was being so nice to me, and asking to hang out alot. She even asked to spend the night with me one Friday.

For a second, I forgot my sister had even changed. It was like having the old "her" back again.







Now that her boyfriend has come back from Miami...

(Her live-in boyfriend whose more than once spent up every red cent of their bill money on secret things)

my sister is is now back to being an evil monster! And to make matters worse, she has managed to pull my 16 year old brother into her sick game!

I feel so alone...


Tonight is open mic poetry downtown at the "P"...


I might go. I'll probably end up going alone. I've gone alone before, and its no big deal really. Sometimes total strangers are nicer than family.



isn't that weird? Have you ever noticed that?


Sometimes family can be your worst enemy!


Compelete strangers...

can sometimes they treat you better than your own family...

hmmm...

A girl named "S" asked me to hang out with her on Saturday. Shes a straight up lesbian with some very strong opinions. She said shes very attracted to me, but has a serious longterm relationship with her girlfriend.


"Its harmless...nothing wrong with just hanging out" she smiled. And shes right. Shes a really nice person and I love her personality alot.



I've hung out with women who were lesbians before. Its just like hanging out with straight women, except the personal preferences in lifestyle are different. Its so funny how men react to women who are lesbians or bisexual.

Once or twice I made the grave stupid mistake before of confiding in men that I was bi-curious. I learned the hard way.



NEVER NEVER EVER EVER tell a man that you like men but have a "curiousity" about women.

Why?


Because they will treat you like a total nasty animalistic SLUT.

Like your not human...

or a circus freak.




Most men feel the word "bicurious" or "bisexual" means a free ticket/invitation for them sleeping with two or three women at the same time or something...fantasy threesomes or wild orgies...



They will openly talk trash about all their nasty detailed little sex adventures and sexcapades around you with so much disrespect and indecency...like youre a man or a trashy street whore...or something unfeminine and perverted...sub-humanlike...

Its awful and very disgusting.



Thats why I've learned to just keep whatever personal feelings or any curiousity I might be dealing with, completely and only to myself. I would never share my personal feelings with anyone...especially not with a man. Yes, I prefer being with a man, but I do have a curiousity about being with a woman. And NO I don't mean some wild sexual crazy lusty, freaky type of curiousity...but more of the "EMOTIONAL"aspect of it.

The part of emotional communication on a higher spiritual plane that could perhaps be different than with a man? Maybe? I don't know. I've never taken a relationship with a woman that far before, so I really don't know.




Its very interesting the way men react...

Too Many Red Flags

"C" called me on the telephone.

I decided to talk with him for a bit.

The conversation started off very pleasant and it made me wish he hadn't ruined things by moving so fast with me.

I like his personality in alot of ways...

yet, there is something very disturbing about him and "THE BIG TRANSPORTATION ISSUE"....

Not only "ONCE" has he crossed the line with that...but "manyyy" times!

I've tried not to keep track of the times but its happened anyway...

because like it or not, my brain has this weird built in red flag calculator that automatically adds,subtracts,multiplies and divides all the pros and cons...

"C" asked me over the telephone what I was doing.



I told him I was going shopping with my mom and two family friends.



He said he didn't mean to come off as 'forward' and asked if my mom would mind picking him up in her car to bring him shopping with us.

I told him that it was supposed to be a "girls day out" sorta thing.



He seemed to be very disappointed but said he understood.

Before that...

When I met him downtown on that awful rainy day?



He'd asked me how I got downtown.

I told him that my sister dropped me off and went to my cousin's place.

"Okay, where does she live" he asked.

Hmmm...He asks wayyyy too many questions....

"She lives downtown" I said.

"Okay cool...so then we can have dinner and then head over to your cousin's house" he assumed for some reason.

Why did he boldly assume that we were going to my cousin's house after dinner? She did not invite us!



I think it was very rude and silly of him....

I never just go around inviting myself to peoples homes etc...

I was always taught growing up as a girl that it is impolite and very rude!

No I'm not a stuck up snob, but I do know bad manners when I see them...

"No, I don't think it would be a very good idea?" I said.

"Why not?" he'd asked.

"Because there are reasons" I said.

"What reasons?" he asked.

Is he really that stupid or just plain rude?

And then...the night of open mic poetry?...

He asked if he could join my sister and I to hang out and get a ride home...with the assumption that he would be driven home at the end of the night.

Hes definitely given off tons of red flags.



I told him over the phone that its great that we are becoming friends...but I don't see it going any further than a "friendship"...

Family Visit

My two aunts came over to visit.

Both of them seemed to be kinda happy to see me.

Its been a long time since I'd seen one of them...not since she moved here from up North...

traded in her mansion for a house that has room enough for 3 families to live in.

She seemed to like my house alot...she kept calling it a "dollhouse"...


I guess my little house would seem like a little girl's dollhouse to a woman whose used to living in big mansions and penthouses.

Shes a good lawyer but not so good when it comes to matters of the heart and love.



We got along well yesterday. She had an hour long conversation with me, and she brought me some nice house decorations....and then promised to come back again soon.



I gave her my telephone number. Maybe she'll call sometime...