Hmmm...

I came across an online list of Burmese activists...

I saw "M's" name on there of course.

I don't know why my heart sank a little bit. Could I still have feelings for him deep down inside? I always tell myself that I don't love him anymore. I really don't think I can ever feel the same about him again. I used to think he was someone else.

I learned the hard way.

Have you ever been with someone for 10 years or so...and you find out that you never really knew them?

He let his strict cultural traditions, his friends and money interfere...

Unfortunately, I remember it all as if it happened yesterday...

I had visited him in New York City. I was so excited about seeing him, and it was my birthday! Gosh, I was soooo in love!

It was my third trip there. We had talked alot about marriage, having a future together and both of us going to the Burmese festival together.

"You and I are soulmates for always" he'd said while kissing my lips so many many times before.....I think a part of me felt that we really were soulmates ♡

Things had changed so fast...

On the subway he sprung it on me...

"I might but moving to Europe. Its not definite yet though" he said.

I noticed "M" wasn't sitting too close to me at the time, and he was behaving sorta cold or maybe even disconnected. Normally he'd always lay his head on my shoulder or put his arms very tightly around me.

I remember it felt as the entire world had come crashing down on me. I was devastated!

The only hope I had inside me was the fact that he'd emphasized the word "Might" in the sentence.

The entire visit became awful! He was at work most of the time and I was stuck at home with one of his new roomates

(an old Burmese woman in her late 60s called "auntie", who had a serious problem with interracial relationships) ...

"Are you his girlfriend?" she kept asking me.

"Yes" I said.

She asked me what race I was...because she had so much trouble figuring it out.

She took the kind sweet liberty of explaining to me how Burmese men only use us American women for sex, and would never ever consider us as marriage material...especially if we were someone who had been divorced or a single mother.

She said they only find Burmese women or other Asian women to be beautiful and are only loyal to them!

"They can only treat you women like cheap whores" she said with a smile "You and he are not a couple. Youre a joke. The joke is on you!"...

That conversation with her went on for at least an hour. An hour of her showing me photos of her ( so called ) beautiful Burmese daughters in their early 20s who are virgins, eligible for marriage to a good Burmese man like my "M"...

She also told me that he was definitely moving to Europe because he'd already told everyone about it.

"Everyone knows but you. He kept it from you" she smiled.

The entire thing turned into such a nightmare....

When "M" came home, I told him about the entire conversation. His first reaction was completely blowing up at the old woman and his other two roomates for defending her.

Then alot of angry neighbors from other apartments ( Burmese of course) ...

All of them came to defend the woman, yelling loudly in Burmese and English that I was probably making the whole thing up. They said that she was incapable of saying such mean things, and that he shouldn't believe me because she was one of "his kind"...

I asked "M" if its true that he was "Definitely" moving to Europe. He admitted he was ... and I felt so sad...

"Yes I am. Money is the most important thing to me right now, don't you understand? I want to be rich and famous. I want to have rich friends!" he said. It was like he was reciting cheesey lines from a play on broadway.

Guess how it ended?



It ended with me being physically shoved out of the apartment leaving alot of my things behind, along with-
(my 6 sterling silver spoon rings,4 pairs of my panties,1 pair of socks and my sandals)

It was the worst birthday I'd ever had...THE WORST!

I was a wreck! I was crying and shaking... and boarding a greyhound in this condition.

Noone really wanted to sit next to me and I couldn't blame them really...because I was such a crying horrible mess. I wouldn't have wanted to sit next to me either. I couldn't stop crying...my heart was so broken.

A very talkative Russian guy was sitting next to me, asking me what was wrong. I remember him telling me that he was happily in a relationship with his wonderful girlfriend. It hurt to hear it at the time, and I really wanted him to shut up...but he wouldn't. He babbled on and on about it. He also told me how terrible it was for me to have been kicked out.

"Doesn't sound like he loves you" the guy said with a big grin on his face...

Deep inside me, I was beginning to agree.